Monday, April 27, 2009

Oh, right, bills and housework and...stuff.

So the man of the house has left for Seattle for two weeks of new job training. He gets to stay in a five star hotel room, eat whatever he wants on the company's dime, and has full access to a 24 Hour Fitness right across the street.

I am at home with two allergy-ridden whelps with bad attitudes, who every so often will howl "I miss Daddy!" and flail around like they've just been electrocuted. The house is a mess, complete with a bag of popcorn that was dumped out onto the playroom floor and ground into smithereens by four-year-old feet. I have bills to pay. I have dishes to wash. I have floors to vacuum. I have a diet to stick to, work to go to, a kid to get to school and soccer practice. (Oh, and help do reading, math, spelling, and various other homework. Why the hell does a second-grader have two hours of homework a night?)

I have exercise to do, not only because of the bridesmaid dress sneering at me from inside my closet, but also because I brilliantly signed up to do a SEVEN AND A HALF MILE RUN on Sunday. Am I mental? I've never run more than THREE miles at a time, and nearly died while doing so!

The next two weeks are going to be trying. However, two days after the spouse walks through the door, I leave for Chicago for eight days. I'll chuckle evilly when I hear "I miss Mommy!" being wailed from inside the house as I leave.


  1. What is with kids stomping food into smithereens? My little guy, is not happy unless he is making a huge mess...I just don't get what all the pleasure is.

    I laughed so hard at the end of this post, yes a evil chuckle will be well deserved.

  2. I know I should probably know, but I forgot. Why are you going to Chicago?

  3. Harmony - kids must be hard-wired for destruction.

    Steph - for a wedding and to gleefully receive a hand-me-down minivan from my grandma, which I shall then drive cross-country back to Washington WITH MY MOTHER-IN-LAW. I should be sainted.

  4. "Why the hell does a second-grader have two hours of homework a night?"

    A question I ask myself frequently when we're sitting at the table at 8:30p trying to do fractions -- fractions! -- while my second-grader cries and begs to go to bed. You know it's bad when they ask to go to bed.

    I don't think I saw a fraction until 8th grade. WTF?

    Next week they're starting on quantum mechanics and 19th century Russian lit. I'd better brush up on my Tolstoy.

  5. Cary - YOU'RE NOT KIDDING! Last year, my kid had to read a story about "construction workers" and "community employees". She was SIX. What happened to "See Spot Run"? Pisses me off.

  6. go, lindsey, go! grrrrrrrrrr!!!

  7. sigh, you and cary crack me the fuck up!

    if i were to drive across TOWN with my MIL i would be the woman on the news who committed murder/suicide. you should TOTALLY be sainted.

    i can't believe you have to do all that shit (but yay hubby got a job!) AND fit into your bridesmad dress AND pay bills AND... ugh. just ugh. couldn't they have picked a better two weeks for new job training?!

    congrats on the FOLOTD thing, btw. :)

  8. I'm go glad to be one of the reasons for your evil chuckle (evil chuckle myself over here)...I can't wait to see you!!!


Go ahead, hit me with your best shot.